It was the first time I’d seen rain in many months, longer than I could even recall. I lay in bed just listening to the patter on the roof of the cabin, and smelling the grass and mosses through the open window screen. It was the sort of atmosphere that reminded me I was alive, and thankful for it.
Jayson had made friends with a little Dragonfly the night before, whom he had found struggling to fly on the windshield of the jeep. When he checked on him the next morning, the little guy was still there, soaked from the rain. Pained by the sight, Jayson had lifted him up to the overhang of the cabin roof, hoping it could dry off and fly away on his own.
We went over to Campbell River to go shopping for Hiking Boots for myself, having realized we had all forgotten my sneakers in the front hallway the day before — we’d all even walked right past them on the way out the door.
It took three sporting good stores and a few hours before determining I would have to wear men’s size shoes, and found a nice camo print pair.
We then had dinner at Boston Pizza before rushing to catch the ferry back to the island.
It had been a bit of a ‘lazy’ day, in terms of not accomplishing anything outdoors, but we would be prepped for the next day (or whenever we decided to go hiking).
Day 2: Describe 3 legitimate fears that you have and how they became fears.
Fear of heights is a very common phobia, because it is the fear of a loss of control. I need a certain level of control over my life in order to feel balanced and secure — being at any height deprives me of that control because the concept of falling from that height means I would have little to no control over the fall or landing. This is a concept I simply can’t deal with.
- Death / Loss of loved one
I have very few people I care for in my life, so I highly cherish those whom are. I am very close with my immediate family, probably in part due to a feeling of not belonging in any of the extended family — some of whom were very particular to make certain I felt unwelcome, as I was adopted and an outsider to them.
I attempt to make certain those in my life know how much I value, appreciate and adore them at all times. And expressing myself never came very easily to me, it’s something I only recently developed the capacity to do.
I am also currently fairly dependent upon my parents to support me through my bipolar and help me survive, manage my life, and plan towards the future. I would be entirely lost without them.
- Being Alone
I spent a good portion of my adolescence being picked on, bullied, and abused by terrible relationships. I had very few friends, and only kept in touch consistently with one (my sister) from that time period. Friends have come and gone through my life like nomads and it’s instilled a sense of not belonging anywhere in particular and having difficulty investing in people who wouldn’t be around very long. So trusting someone and opening up to them in itself is a difficult and frightening thing for me. I’ve become very needy of connection with others, and hold on tightly when a bond can be formed.