"She's so twi-hard, it's painful."
Let me just first say this: Ow, my brain.
I've been coached by some of the best published writers I've met, and everything they've taught me along with my own common sense says "Bad form, bad form!" every couple chapters of this series.
1 – once you have determined a character's physical traits, you DO NOT need to reaffirm it every consequetive chapter: honestly, your readers are smart enough to remember it.
2 – while its true that no one wants to hear cliched lines, using them in new fashions ("..my stomach was already full. Full of butterflies!") doesn't make them better. Ever.
3 – nobody cares about your wet dreams; turning it into a book doesn't make it suddenly appropriate
4 – I understand and respect your creative image, however: Vampires DON'T sparkle.
Thank you and have a nice day. XD