Monologue I

[MEGAN SOMERVILLE:]

(Enters, attention is already absorbed in a magazine article in one hand, a mug of coffee or tea in the other. The magazine is folded cleanly in half, no excess creasing or tearing.)

Have you heard the latest gossip news?

Bradgelina’s rumoured to be having yet another baby – if they can hold their marriage together for the sake of their ridiculous sum of kids? I think there’s one to represent every billion dollars they’re worth.

Also, Nicole Richie’s weight has finally hit an all-time low this past week, despite her rep claiming that she’s “healthy as a horse”. If that were my horse, I’d have taken it out behind the barn and shot it.

And, the kicker of the year: H1N1 panic has reached critical mass due to media dramatization. Panicking mothers at walk-in clinics and temporary booths set up in malls are making more of a commotion than a kid come to sit on Santa’s lap in December. And the reality of the matter is? It’s really no different than any other flu – and like any flu, it has the potential to kill you: if you’re sickly, an infant, or elderly. But thanks a lot, Fox News, as if we didn’t have enough to worry about in life.

(Throws magazine down onto a table)

Is this crap really all we, as advanced society, care about? There’s an infection spreading from the media eye, starting from glorified celebrity worship and ending with dramatization, and mass hysteria. We, as human beings, are, by nature, unrealistically bias creatures, living vicariously through our fantasies of over-glamorized MTV icons. Find me one being who hasn’t heard of Paris Hilton? 100$ betting on she ends up a fat, saggy-skinned, cocaine-addict. (I really hope she does.)

As long as I can remember, they have demanded conformity from all of us – to comply with these regulations, fit this stereotype, that ideal. My goal is to achieve just the opposite. If society asks of me a woman who is conservative, well-mannered, strictly educated, who donates at church every Sunday, and will marry a hard-working man to one day reproduce his fine off-spring? I give them a loud, obnoxious, underweight atheist, a university drop-out and an alcoholic on weekends. If I ever wed, I want her to be a petite redhead, temperamental with a personality complex. We’ll both wear black veils down the aisle.

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